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One of the most difficult decisions a marital couple will have to make includes whether or not to end their marriage. Typically, when a couple decides to wed partners anticipate living “happily ever after”. For many couples, it is often difficult to both comprehend as well as accept when there are problems within the marriage that are insurmountable. However, once a couple makes the decision to divorce it is usually following a lengthy period of conflict, lack of communication, poor communication, infidelity, etc. Divorce is usually the last step in a series of events and subtle changes that couples fail to address or go unnoticed. Although, some partners insist they are blind-sided when their spouse files for a divorce, the truth is, the signs were present well before filing took place.

Many spouses cite lack of commitment as one of the main reason their marriage didn’t work. In a recent study, more than 50% of exes felt their marriage ended in divorce because his/her former spouse was not fully committed to the marriage. Unfortunately, any couples felt when problems began to arise during the course of the marriage, their former spouse seemed to “bail” on the marriage. Some former partners insist his/her former spouse could have worked harder to keep the relationship afloat, partner had given up on the relationship, or he/she contributed more to the relationship than their former spouse.

Common Reasons Couples Divorce Include:

  • Lack of communication/poor communication
  • Adultery
  • Financial problems
  • Diminished or lack of passion in the relationship
  • Overly critical of partner
  • Workaholism/lack of time for partner or relationship
  • Desire for perfection in a partner
  • Lack of commitment to the relationship or unequal commitment
  • Secrecy
  • Addiction
  • Untreated mental illness
  • Conflict in parenting style
  • You fight over silly things
  • Conflict/arguments go unresolved
  • You feel alone in solving marital problems
  • You don’t share or fear sharing feeling and emotions with your spouse
  • Lack or very little intimacy in the relationship
  • Spouse does not validate your feelings
  • Fantasizing about being with someone other than your spouse
  • Limited or nonexistent couple time
  • The “bad” in the relationship far outweigh the “good”
  • Defensiveness
  • Married for the wrong reasons or reasons that conflict
  • Unrealistic expectations of partner or the relationship
  • Abuse
  • Controlling spouse
  • Falling out of love with partner
  • Selfishness

Marital relationships require time, commitment, dedication, and consistency to grow and flourish, therefore, each partner must be available and committed to ensure its survival. Like all relationships, conflict will arise, however, partners must be able to talk about the things that are both pleasant and unpleasant. Partners build resiliency in their relationship by recognizing relationship issues, acknowledging that the issues exist, identifying appropriate problem solving techniques, and building better communication strategies in response to the problem.